


Suicide Note

by AmberEyedLover



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Dark, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Pain, Suicide Attempts, quick fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:03:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberEyedLover/pseuds/AmberEyedLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <cite> He thought about the letter he left…the folded piece of single paper, tucked away inside the envelope, a simple white thing standing stark against the darkness of silk sheets which sat inside their bedroom.  </cite>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suicide Note

Sat in a dark room, the heavy breaths were the only sound to break the silence he had settled himself in to, his own fear clouding his mind as tears stung at his eyes.  
The small crack of light coming in from the bottom of the door fell across the glinting metal which had fallen to the cold tiled  floor, almost taunting him as he huddled himself in to the corner of the bathroom.

He thought about the letter he left…the folded piece of single paper, tucked away inside the envelope, a simple white thing standing stark against the darkness of silk sheets which sat inside their bedroom.

Eyes closed tight, he trembled, the first tear breaking free and sliding down his cheek before the next fell and quickly escalated in to more as a sob ripped from his throat and he let himself fall to the floor, arms tight around his head, ignoring the pain which was throbbing through his numb arm slowly.

_‘’Thank you’’ Turning he looked, a frown over his lips_   
_‘’What for?’’ He asked as the other man smiled at him from where he was sat on the couch._   
_‘’For being you, for being real, for being honest and most of all, for loving me’’ He told him, the lump tight in his throat as he nodded and pushed a small smile on to his lips._

Shaking from the memory, he cried again and pulled his arms down, the pain of fresh cuts running across cloth made him whimper as he slowly pushed himself up; the room was cold around him in the dark as he felt out the floor until the sharp metal met his fingertips once again.

Fresh tears falling, he snapped his hand back and pressed it against his wrist, the warmth of his own blood seeping through his fingers made him cry harder as his sobs slowly turned silent.

Regretting his choice he tried to reach out and pull himself out, only for red tinted fingers to slip on perfectly white surfaces as he crashed back to earth again, his body wanting to give up as he moved his hand to his wrist again and buried his face in to his knees.

_‘’Hey, you’re new aren’t you’’ The tall guy asked as he came towards his table, unable to speak to the male he had been watching across the café, he nodded simply before a large grin formed over the guys face._  
‘ _’Just moved to town’’ He finally managed to say, his heart crashing already._  
 _‘’Another’’ Looking as the blue eyed male raised a coffee pot, he smiled and nodded, his heart already deciding that he was in love._

He didn’t want to see his face, knowing it would fall from happy and carefree to worry as soon as he spotted that envelope against their black pillows. He wanted to get up off the hard floor and rip it to pieces before it was found, but he knew it was too late to turn back now. He had done the one thing he had promised never to do again.

Trembling from dried up tears, he just wanted death to come for him now, he felt numb and couldn’t feel his fingers, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the cut off because of how hard he was holding his wrist. His throat was dry and sore from the broken cries and his eyes stung from crying out all his tears until there was nothing left to fall.

He had thought that he was doing the best he could at the time, a new beginning and a new life, he didn’t think that paradise would only last a year and half before the darker side reared its ugly head and pulled him back under, it scared him, this time he didn’t see it coming, he didn’t realize until it was too late.

That fateful night a few months back, the film they were watching brought the memories back, he lied and said he was tired, that he was going to get some water and head to bed, instead he crawled straight under the covers and slowly cried himself in to a silent sleep as his boyfriend watched TV downstairs, unaware of his boyfriends shady past.

_‘’Hey you’’ He smiled as warm arms slipped around his waist and pulled him against a hard chest,_   
_‘’You’re early, I haven’t started lunch yet’’ He whispered back before he turned and pressed sticky lips against a clean cheek, only to laugh as he groaned and scrubbed._   
_‘’You’re wearing that lip gloss again’’ He muttered out as the smaller of the two grinned and patted his hand against the taller chest._   
_‘’You love me so it’s okay’’ He smiled, the happiness clear in his voice._   
_‘’I do indeed’’_   
_‘’Good because I want you to stay in my life’’ The blonde whispered honestly as the blue eyed man smiled._   
_‘’Always going to be here looking after you’’ He whispered as he was pulled back in to a loving embrace._

He thought he was dreaming as a warm touch brushed against his skin, the touch brushing away a single wet tear which fell before he slowly opened his eyes to see his vision blur before coming back to focus.  
‘’Im sorry’’ Was all he could whisper to the shadow in front of him, the light coming in from the open doorway bright against his eyes after sitting in the dark bathroom for so long.

‘’You stupid boy’’ The voice whispered and he felt his heart break at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice as another hand joined over the one on his wrist as another arm pulled him against a warm chest.

Hearing muffled voices and footsteps, he tried to blink his eyes open again as strong fingers ran through his hair, lips pressing against his temple as he felt another pair of hands pull his fingers away from his wrist which he tried to press back against again, a small sound of despair leaving his lips as his eyes tried to cry again.  
‘’Shhh, its okay, you’re safe, im here now’’ His boyfriend’s voice whispered against his ear and thighs hugged his hips, lost as he realized he had been moved without his knowledge. ‘’I’ve got you now’’ They whispered again as he felt pressure against his wrist and a hand flat against his chest. ‘’Im going to look after you, I promise’’

Sinking back against the chest, he let his eyes close again. Trusting in the words which had been whispered softly and brokenly against his ear as the reality around him slowly came in and out of consciousness around him.

He knew he was going to be okay

He knew he would be safe

He knew he was loved no matter what

He knew because he was promised with a whispered forever.

**Author's Note:**

> When I woke up this morning, I never thought that I would get taken down memory lane, but sometimes it happens even by something as simple as a Song like I did tonight. 
> 
> What song, you may ask? 'Best I can' by 'Art of dying'
> 
> I understand that the subject of suicide can be a tough subject for some people to touch up on, including myself because i know what its like to go through that pain of wanting to end it. Im not ashamed to say that I have tried to comit suicide a few too many times in the past five years, but now as I sit here typing this, im glad that I never succeded in doing so.  
> I have wonderful friends and Im happy with my life.  
> If I was to say that I never felt down or had my off days would be a lie because I do often get them and I do thinkin about picking up that blade again but I always manage to stop myself by thinking of the people around me and they way they hurt when I hurt myself.  
> I dont suggest that you tell everyone your problem, only if they are willing to listen and are willing to sit there and stick by your side from the get go.
> 
> Suicide is never a nice thing to have to come across and too many people, young and old has taking their own lives, these are the people who needed someone there to help them out when they needed it, to give them a small smile or hug to let them know that they arent alone in the world.  
> so try giving someone a hug, smile at a stranger in the street,, say hello to someone because you never know what is going through their minds and that simple hug/hello/smile could make them happy, could help to save a life
> 
> This fic may be a little on the dark side and something that I dont normally write, but I had to write it, I had to get those memories and feelings out in to something creative, I havent used names as it could be anyone but I would think that people would realize that it would normally be my Adommy pariing. but other fics which I have seen on this site on the same subject has been good, some amazing, yet I always find myself reading them and then just sitting there at the end staring at the screen, thinking...what if...what if they made it a happy ending instead of a sad one, what if they did get there on time and find their loved ones note before it was too late...just what if...
> 
> Okay, now im just starting to talk about things which doesnt matter, but just remember this...
> 
> No matter where you are, who you are in life, you are never alone, you dont have to suffer in silence, reach out for that help because life can be beautiful and kind, you just have to give it a chance.
> 
>  
> 
> But that's just my advice, you dont have to take it and listen to an 18 year old but think of the good things you can achive in your life if you just have that little bit of faith in yourself. <3


End file.
